Dookie Air Dump

By | MRS. GOSSIPY GOAT | This intriguing conversation was overheard by Mrs. Gossipy Goat, who was cleverly pretending to be an oblivious animal. The dialogue took place among three individuals who were reminiscing about a frightening experience they had during their flight from Chicago to New Delhi. This encounter happened at a park where Mrs. Gossipy Goat often spends her time. “Tower, this is Captain Joe, AIR-387 flying from Chicago to New Delhi, currently cruising at an altitude of 30,000 feet and heading southeast at 600 miles per hour. Do you copy?” “We copy loud and clear, good buddy. What’s your current position?” “We expect to arrive in approximately 4 hours and 25 minutes in New Delhi, India, at 18:00 local time.” “Ten-Four, have a safe and enjoyable flight, Tower out.” Thirty minutes later, “Tower, this is flight AIR-387, we need to report a mission-critical biological emergency!” “Tower do you copy?” , “Repeat Tower do you copy?” “We copy you loud and clear, this is Tower!” “Captain Joe, please clearly state your emergency situation.” Well…, it’s really difficult to explain but we are struggling to breathe due to the overwhelming and oppressive odor coming from the lavatories and toilets, which are currently overflowing and sending black water along with floaters all over the passenger compartment.” “Tower here, we copy that, whatever you do, please do not, and I repeat, do not open the DOORS!” “At the moment, we are utilizing the drop down oxygen system, with about five hours of oxygen left in reserve!” “Tower to Captain Joe,” “we copy your status.” After a group discussion and brainstorming with our Team, we decided to try this approach…, do you have any hillbillies on board? They might be able to find a quick solution to your situation because they are often smarter than they look and aren’t afraid to deal with POOP. “This is Captain Joe, we have a possible solution to our problem.” Do we have any hillbillies on board? If you are a genuine hillbilly, please come forward to the business class cabin immediately.”

Well Doggies, Melvin and his cousin slowly walked forward to the business class section where Captain Joe was patiently waiting for them. “Hey, boys, I’m sure you’re aware of our current situations, do you have any ideas that might help save us?” “Can’t think of any right now, ain’t had enough time to sit down and really think it through.” “Wait, I just thought of a way.” “I brought my medicine with me for my arthritis, and that could dissolve that POOP in a hurry.” “But, I don’t have any up here, it’s in my baggage down there.” (He pointed down to the floor with his right index finger.) “I’m too fat at 550 pounds to go down there myself, no way. So, I bet Dudemanus could root around down there and find it for us.” “He is the best rootus rooter in the Hill back home, folks call him rootin tootus rootor.” “So you see, the term ‘Dude’ originally meant poop butt, and it became popular with the hippies of the Sixties, along with words like Chick or hoe. (And not to be confused with hoeing the garden, and if you have a chicken coop, you have a lot of hoes in a house, if you will.) This kind of talk was adopted by this awesome group because they were really cool. Melvin continues that Dudemanus got his name from his mom, who was a Latin buff and just loved those crazy Roman names, basically because she watched too much television filled with overt propaganda. So, just like the hippies, she was under severe mind control by an unnamed company. Many Baby Boomers were likewise heavily influenced by the vibes of that era. Anyway, his mom thought that Dudemanus would be a really cool name for her boy. Fast forward to today, and family and friends just call him ‘Dookie.’ The boy was so good at rooting around that he and his brother Peepee started a rotter rooting company called Dookie & Peepee, Inc. Their motto is The Rootins Tootins Rooters, this side of the Tri Delta star system.

Well, Dookie started to remove a few seats and pull up a small area of carpet, then began unscrewing the screws from the floor panel. He was surprised to see so few screws, because many were missing. He stated that it looked like the company that built this airoplane must have used DIE. labor, and probably said at quitting time, ‘Oh, piss on it, I can’t see it from my house, and what is a few screws anyway?’ And of course, no one else did quality control on them anyhow. Finally, after a few minutes, the floor panel was removed, and Dookie began rooting around in the cargo hold. From front to back, he rooted and rooted, with some guidance from Melvin from above, and he finally found the jars of ‘arthritis medicine’ and handed them up to Melvin.” Captain Joe was standing nearby and said, “Thank goodness you found it at last.” The Tower instructed us to descend to 5,000 feet and enter a holding pattern so we could attempt a dookie dump. I explained to them that we couldn’t perform a dookie dump because we were completely constipated, backed up all the way to our eyeballs. I also informed them that once we managed to locate the arthritis medicine, we might finally be able to make a big dookie dump. Melvin was eager to pour the “arthritis medicine” into the affected vessels and, with great anticipation from the entire crew, slowly watch the sludge dissolve and transform into a flushable form. So, Captain Joe, following the Tower’s precise instructions, proceeded to release a massive Dookie dump directly over the designated target zone. After completing this unusual task, he climbed back up to an altitude of 30,000 feet and then resumed his flight course toward New Delhi, India. Interestingly, due to some mysterious and unknown laws of physics, the Dookie began to coalesce and gradually formed into a distinct brown saucer-shaped craft. It bore an uncanny resemblance to a classic “FLYING SAUCER” in shape and design. Rumor has it, from several unnamed sources, that this peculiar brown saucer was created as a result of HARRP’s one-trillion-watt energy burn over the Atlantic Ocean drop zone.

Naturally, the EBE’s became intrigued by this “NEW TECHNOLOGY” that humans had seemingly developed, prompting hundreds of them to arrive and investigate the phenomenon. Upon close inspection, the EBE’s burst into uncontrollable laughter, laughing so hard that their sides ached, and they rolled on the floor clutching their stomachs while accidentally bumping their heads together during their fits of laughter. This unusual commotion quickly caught the attention of NORAD. operators, who began to monitor the situation closely by peering at their radar screens. Mean while, the Commanding General, ordered F-35’s to be scrambled to investigate the situation, but could not complete their mission because of thunder storms in the area. So, F-16 were scrambled instead and located the massive collection of the EBE’s saucer shaped craft hovering around this brown shaped saucer. The F-!6’s pilot’s orders was to capture this advanced craft and force it land. Well, we all know by this time that the EBE’s were scattering like rats when they detected the F-16’s approaching. It is now, obvious to us now that the “DOOKIE SAUCER” would not respond to radio hails from the F-16’s. So, the pilots radio NORAD for further orders. The Commanding General had a group think with Washington and was ordered to bring it down for fear of some kind of EBE invasion of advanced technology. The F-16’s were armed with side winders missiles and all twenty of them let it all loose at one time. The old saying when “WHEN THE SHIT HITS THE FAN” really works, because the dookie was sucked into the F’16’s engine fan blades and they fell like dookie into the Atlantic Ocean and became floaters on the ocean of destiny. So, the power of the top secrete “DOOKIE WEAPONS” really really work and MIC will really really love to make more. Please read these hillbilly stories with caution becuse you wiil talk like a hillbilly and if that, ain’t the truth. Can’t be becuse hillbilly talk is fun and that ain’t no dookie. | Mrs. Nosy Elephant and Hands 167 contributed to this story. |

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